When a man and a woman in an exclusive relationship decide to live together mimicking a marriage but without the formal commitment that marriage demands, it is called cohabitation. This is an arrangement of convenience. It allows each person to enjoy the perks of the most intimate of relationships but at the same time hold on to the option to walk away without legal consequences. Of course, such an arrangement is a mockery of the biblical teaching of the sacredness of marriage.
Then, society has moved even further. A title of a recent movie uses the phrase that describes a new kind of relationship that seems to have become an acceptable arrangement: “friends with benefits.” This specifically refers to a relationship between a man and a woman who are “just friends”—no serious emotional attachments or exclusive commitments—but who engage in casual sex.
These two examples of human relationships reveal a certain mindset that can be found in other areas of life. It is the mindset that desires to enjoy preferred “benefits” but is not willing to commit oneself fully to the demands of such benefits. It is the mindset that seeks to circumvent or do away with commitment while exploiting every kind of desired advantage or perk from another or from a circumstance. It is the mindset that is concerned only with what is convenient “for me” and disregards anything or anyone else. It is the mindset that is focused on self.
The tragedy of this mindset is that it is self-deceiving. The “benefits” that one seems to enjoy is only a shadow of what one can truly enjoy when the benefits are received within the context that God intended.
Sadly, this mindset can manifest itself even in church life or Christian ministry. For example, there are those who want to be involved or even take leadership roles in a church or ministry but are not willing to make that kind of consistent commitment that involves inconvenient sacrifices—whether it is with regard to time, energy, or other resources. And so one will want to play in the praise band or sing with the praise team, but only when it is convenient and there are no demands made on one’s life. Or another will want to be in charge of a ministry in a church but not be willing to commit to church membership. It is obvious that such an arrangement makes it easy for the person to be remiss or negligent of the ministry responsibilities when it becomes inconvenient or too demanding (that is, in his or her mind). What, then, happens to the ministry?
No wonder Jesus was uncompromising in his demands concerning discipleship. No middle ground. Either you follow him, or you go your own way. “If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9.23 NET).
—Keith Y. Jainga